Dinner revelations
by Deinde
Summary: The group gets a shock when one of Gojyo's legendary innuendos reveals some surprising information about the group's youngest member. CONTINUED!
1. Chapter 1

It had all started at dinner with Gojyo acting as he usually does at an inn when their waiter was a pretty girl. Hakkai and the others where ignoring it until Gojyo said something that Hakkai felt should not be let past for fear of their "innocent" member of their group especial since it was a reference to the child's favorite subject.

"You know in my room I have this magical substance, you can eat all you want and never get fat, plus it comes with added bonuses…"

"Gojyo!" Hakkai spun in his chair from where he was helping Goku pick only six of the many choices because Sanzo had said only six saying that the monkey was getting fat. This only amplified his worry about Goku prying where he shouldn't, as the monkey could be very persistent when he wanted to be. "Honestly, leave the poor waitress alone."

Leaning forward he hissed at Gojyo, "Sanzo's after Goku to stop eating so much." Gojyo glanced at the monkey who was shoveling down the chips and duck sauce. "What would you do if Goku cornered you for some of magical 'substance'…"

Goku suddenly shot his mouthful across the table. Sputtering he shouted

"Like I would ever suck that kappa off!" pointing at Gojyo, whose eyes had gotten very wide

Sudden silence fell upon the table as the whole group looked at Goku with blank horror.

"What?" Goku asked in nervous discomfort at the looks he was getting.

"Come on guy I know what SEX is" he said drawling the world "sex" like that should be obvious.

Hakkai rose a single eyebrow at the boy while Sanzo seemed to decide, as it seemed he would be in this position for a few minutes, as it seemed that his entire view of his young charge was about to change, he should make it so his hips where tilted at a slightly more comfortable angle.

"Geez, what did you guys think I was, a kid," Goku replied at their response. "I know about sex! You know, condoms, STDs, toys, all that. I have had a boner before, I have hit puberty!"

"Please tell me you're a virgin," Hakkai whimpered after being forced to digest this terrifying information.

"Why would you think that?" Goku asked his face screwing up in confusion.

Hakkai's face took on a pain/nausea look at that while Sanzo's attention, which had been wandering back to his paper, shot back to Goku.

"When!"

Goku looked at him innocently, clearly feeling that he had every right to sleep with someone if he wanted to.

"I dunno, maybe five or six towns back."

"What!" now it was Gojyo's turn to be shocked. "How do you get laid on this trip and not me? When the hell did this happen?" he shouted half standing as he leaned back slightly from his shock.

"Come on guys I was gone all afternoon. It doesn't take me that long to eat meat buns." Goku's eyes shot to the side and Gojyo was just able to hear the whispered, "especially multitasking…" as Goku picked up the discarded menu, shielding him from the groups' views.

As his eyes widened again he became sure that no one would identify him as a half-breed. As surely all his hair had turned gray just then. He so did not need to know that!

A long silence prevailed over the dinner as the group took time to process this information.

"Hah!" Goku suddenly exclaimed, scaring the other three, all of which had gone into their own worlds to coup. "I know what I want!"

It was at this moment to the mortification of the other three that they realized that the waitress was still standing there, waiting for their order, abet a bit redder than she had been a moment ago. Hakkai laughed nervously as he rubbed the back of his head

"Well this is embarrassing…"

A/N: Because Goku is five hundred freaken years old. I wrote this forever ago under the name The Great White Emu. I realize it's terrible but I find it funny and I honestly did try to edit it into a nicer piece, but I just couldn't get it to work. So it sucks, but it entertains me, so whatever.


	2. Visceral Horrors

Sanzo, Hakkai, and Goyjo sat together in the most uncomfortable silence ever.

"Someone say something." Goyjo muttered out from between his fingers as he cradled his head.

"Something." Hakkai's reply was equally weak.

Sanzo suddenly stood "This is stupid."

"Sanzo."

"So the monkey's a filthy perv like the rest of you freaks…" Sanzo paused as he failed to keep the pain and sadness out of his voice or off his face. "I'm going to bed."

"But… But, Sanzo! This is a big deal! We have no idea how educated Goku really is about the subject!"

Goyjo snorted "Yeah, the last thing the world needs is a bunch of mini Gokus running around." His grin morphed into a look of terror as mental images sprung up in their minds. Little Goku's running around playing tag with their endless energy, Thousands of little versions of their monkey eating everything in sight, swarming, yanking, fighting.

All three men lunged for the door at the same time.

* * *

Goku awoke to a frantic pounding on his door. He sprung up, summoning his staff to his hand as he immediately went on alert. He pulled open the door ready for the attack.

"CONDOMS!"

"You have to make sure that she's on birth--"

"Neutered--"

"…TESTED FOR STDs!"

"…control to, cause when--"

"--Hell if I'm dealing with--"

"VISCERAL HORRORS!"

"-- a rubber snaps--"

"--more of you!"

"-- you're screwed!"

Goku stood in the door staring at the three men panting in the doorway.

"Okay…"

Hakkai coughed as they tried to recompose themselves.

"What we are trying to say, Goku, is that we just wanted to make sure you were aware of the risks sex and knew what measures can be taken to make the experience as enjoyable and unscaring as possible."

Goku paused to digest this. "What you think I'm into S&M or something."

All three men went red again and Sanzo make a noise that sounded suspiciously like a squeak.

"NO! I mean its fine with us if you are—"

"Speak for yourself!" Goyjo muttered as he attempted to get his eyes to stop bulging quite so wide.

"But even in routine sex there are risks. Pregnancy, STDs…"

Goku paused to think for a minute "Nope, I'm good."

"Huh?" The half-breed, the monocle healer, and the priest all looked at the relaxed and calm monkey.

"Yeah, one of the monks had a talk with me right before we left and explained everything. So yeah, I'm good."

Goku stepped back and called a "Night!" over his shoulder as he closed the door, leaving his three comrades in the hall, more freaked out than ever.

* * *

An: I love it when I giggle as I write. It makes me feel like I am doing my job right. So I put up a different chapter 2 for like 10 minutes but then I decided I hated it so I wrote this! So sorry if you get two notices or something. Please let me know what you think! It was a review that made me continue this so you never know!


	3. Out on the town

**WARNING!!!!**

This is tbennett92's fault. She said she didn't believe Goku yet. Well the challenge is on! SLASH! Don't like, don't read. Or just replace all the Hes with shes and boys with girls ect… I don't care.

* * *

Goku giggled into the bare stomach beneath him. He could tell from the faint quivering underneath him that his breath tickled. He gazed up coyly between his hair, which lied limply down over his diadem, weighed down by sweat.

The redhead above him snorted. "You're adorable."

Goku grinned.

The boy ran a hand mindlessly through Goku's sweaty locks. He poked the Diadem. "What's the deal with that thing anyway? It looks like it weighs like fifty pounds."

Goku pouted and shook his head to remove the boy's hand. "I like it."

The redhead snorted again.

"Whatever." The boy began fishing in his side drawer, eventually pulling out a single cigarette and a lighter. "How long you in town?"

Goku rolled off the boy and shimmed up closer to the top of the bed. "Till morning." The boy offered him a drag. Curious, Goku took it.

He held it delicately between two fingers like he had seen Sanzo and Goyjo do so many times. Carefully he put it to his lips and inhaled.

"Alkedfgh..Alk..Alk…" Goku gagged and flailed as the smoke invaded his lungs. It smelled like Jeep had backfired into his face!

The redhead laughed and snatched his cigarette back before the flailing monkey could light the sheets on fire. Goku froze when he felt cool fingertips run across the back of his neck. "Why don't you stay the night?" The boy whispered in a tone that was both amused and sensual.

Goku fought furiously to think over the proposal while the boy replaced his fingers with his tongue. He had never stayed a whole night before. It had always been a quick thing that he could lie about later; being gone all night was a little more obvious than he had ever done before. But Sanzo and the others did know he was sexually active, so it wasn't like they would have no idea why he would be gone. On the other hand, he wasn't sure if he could stand to walk up to the jeep as they packed up to leave knowing that they knew what he had been up to all night.

The boy suddenly blew across the wet trail he had left behind.

"Screw it." He thought as he straddled the now smirking redhead "I just won't look any of them in the eye."

* * *

AN: Sorry tbennett92, I tried to make it het but it just didn't work for Goku being all cute and stuff. Hopefully the next chapter will make up for it a bit. And yes I do plan on continueing this. In fact as soon as get this up I am writing the next chapter!


	4. On the road again!

Hear we go! Wow I am cranking these things out!

* * *

"Come on!"

"NO!"

Hakkai sighed and rolled his eyes.

"We're bro's aren't we? Share! What was she like? Come on!" Goyjo had a huge smirk on his face and his eyes glinted in joy as he observed the bright red monkey next to him. This had been going on for the better part of an hour, and while Goyjo was clearly enjoying it, the others in the Jeep clearly were not.

Hakkai shot a look at the passenger's seat. Sanzo was the perfect image of a calm and brooding priest, except for the Cigarette with a crushed filter slowly dropping ash onto the usually pristine robes. Sanzo hadn't said a word all day and this was the forth cigarette he had light but not smoked. Hakkai made a mental note to buy some bleach at their next stop.

"Come on. What's wrong? She let you do anal or something?"

Sanzo's eyes got slightly wider and his hand started to shift for his gun. It was officially time to intervene.

"I bet you won't tell me cause you did all this kinky shit."

Goku snapped. Lungin for the Kappa he yelled "YOU DON'T SHUT UP AND I'M GONNA SHOW YOU WHAT I DID!"

A long silence prevailed over the Jeep as Goku realized exactly what he had said. His face colored and he sat back down, his anger diffused by awkwardness.

When Goyjo leaned over to whisper a sing-song "kink-y" into Goku's ear, Hakkai was pretty sure it was the first time he ever approved of Sanzo shooting at the Perv in the back seat.

* * *

An: Short one. I am trying to break these up a bit, each scene being a new chapter. Should I keep doing that or let it all be one big thing? Let me Know!


	5. Hankie code

This is probibly the last one for today! But who knows?

* * *

Despite their arguing all day Goyjo and Goku had still managed to end up sharing a room. Sanzo had flat out refused to share with either Goyjo or Goku and Hakkai hadn't even bothered arguing. He was sick of both of them.

Goku had flopped down on the bed farthest from the door the second they entered. Goyjo was usually annoying but today he had crossed the line from teasing to torturing.

"Hey, Kid."

Goku ignored him.

"Goku."

Goku continued to ignore Goyjo until a small object flew into his line of sight and landed on his chest.

He sat up slightly and picked up the little spiral bound notebook.

"Huh?" Goku flipped through the book. It was blank. "Goyjo, what is this for?"

"Notes." Goyjo threw a pencil at him. "If you're gonna be picking up girls you might as well know how to do it right. It'll save you quite a few slaps along the way."

Goyjo spun the chair at the desk around and straddled it.

"Right, now the best way to nab a girl is with a 'white knight' thing, like swooping in to save her when she's just about to drop something, or is carrying too much, or can't reach something. It's the perfect in, chicks can't resist that stuff."

He glanced up at Goku who was staring at him like he had grown a second head.

"Come on, Come on, write this down! This is good stuff!" Goku continued to stare. Goyjo sighed. "Look, let's start somewhere else. How did you pick up the girls you've been with so far? You certainly can't pull of the whole 'lover boy' thing like I can."

"Handkerchiefs."

"Huh."

"I use the hankie code."

Goyjo clearly didn't have a clue what Goku was talking about.

"You get a handkerchief and put it in your back pocket. The different colors mean you're looking for different things. White's hand jobs, navy blue's anal, black is BDSM, Light blue is oral. Left pocket, Receiving. Right pocket, doing."

Goyjo's eyes opened wide. A whole code for casual sex! How had he never heard about this before? Sure it took out the fun of charming the girl, but if he was running low on time and didn't have time to sweet talk someone. Wait…

"Receiving and doing?"

Goku's eyebrows shot up to his hairline as he saw the Kappa begin to connect the dots. "No! I just meant…"

Goyjo paused.

"You're gay?"

Goyjo didn't sound disgusted, which was good, but he didn't sound accepting either. Goku gave Goyjo a minute to mull this new development over.

"I can sleep outside…"

Goyjo snorted and gave him one of his nice older brother grins he saved just for Goku. "You're gay." Goyjo fished out his cigarettes and headed towards the window. "Well can't help ya there! Though you don't seem to need any help at all." Goyjo settled himself down on the window ledge. Curiously he glanced at Goku. "What color do you have?"

Goku lazily fished around in his bag and pulled out a gold hankie.

"What's gold?"

"One looking for two."

Goyjo pulled a face. "Geez. If you're the innocent one in the group I think we're in trouble."

Goku snorted and shoved the hankie back in his bag. He had bought it on a lark a while back but hadn't ever used it. He carefully crammed it into one of the interior pockets next to the tan hankie he really used.

* * *

An: What's tan? Leave a review and find out! No I am not that mean. Tan means they like smokers or are a smoker themselves, depending what side it's on Goku wears it on the right, which means he likes smokers. Goku also has a lime green one he uses from time to time (a present for the first one to figure that out!):p The hankie code is a real thing, though some of the colors are so close I can image it leads to a number of misunderstandings.


	6. Red stinging asses

Goku shifted in his seat in the back of the jeep, trying to find a position a little less painful. He had tried to keep his weight off his ass, but it was hard to pretend to sit while actually holding oneself up. He shifted to the left ass cheek, but it was just as red and stinging as the right.

Sometime life was too strange to believe, which was why Goku had been too shy to ask Hakkai for some salve for his poor ass. There would be no way he would believe the truth, and even if he wanted to there was no way Goyjo would let him. No, this just screamed sex injury. He did not want to be teased about being spanked for the next several days, especially when he hadn't even been spanked.

Though Goku guessed it could be called a sex injury. Sex had caused it. Well sex had caused he to be sleepy, which caused him to fall asleep, which caused him to lay with his naked ass in the sun for several hours.

His ass cheeks rubbed together and it hurt so bad he wanted to cry.

God, sunburn sucked.

***

It could be worse Goku, you could have been on your front! That would suck so much more.

Anyway, I am very sunburned from work, which is what inspired this. Sometimes things really happen that just scream "I am lying about a sex injury." and that always sucks cause NOONE believes you.

Sorry if this is sub par (it certainly is very short!) I am to tired (and a little dehydrated!) to figure out better wording.


	7. Molestation a dark turn

Meatbuns, Goku decided, were highly overrated. He chewed carefully. These… whatever-they-weres were far superior by far. He bit the sticky gooey ball in half.

"Umm." Goku purred with happiness. He popped the other half of his sticky treat in his mouth. He would have to go back for more tomorrow before they left.

He was about to lick the remaining honey off his fingers when he suddenly found himself flung bodily into a door.

"Did they touch you?!"

Goku looked up to find the maddest Sanzo he had ever seen. His eyes were livid, his nostrils flared. It was enough to distract him from the bruise that was blossoming across his lower back from the doorknob now firmly wedged there.

"Men! Not girls, MEN!" Sanzo's whole body was shaking. He didn't even seem to realize he was saying any of this out loud. "Gods, one looking for two, those filthy pervs!" Sanzo tightened his hold on Goku's arms.

"Did they touch you!"

"Wha…"

Sanzo cut him off. "Gods, filthy bastards." Sanzo's rant deteriorated into incoherent growls, but the shaking continued.

Goyjo. Goyjo told Hakkai, and Sanzo found out. Great. At least Sanzo was talking to him again.

"Should have realized. I'll kill them."

And now Sanzo was afraid he had been molested. Perfect.

"Can't believe I didn't."

"Sanzo!"

Goku had to repeat the monk's name several times to get his attention.

Sanzo looked at him and Goku recognized the faint emotion hidden under the anger. Fear, fear that he had failed his charge.

"Sanzo, none of the monks ever touched me."

Relief flooded Sanzo's face, then doubt. "Gunaketu? Manjusri?"

"No!" What the hell? He liked Gunaketu and Manjusri, they would never hurt a fly! "Hema was the one to talk to me, but nothing else."

Sanzo's eyebrow's crinkled. "But then… why?"

Goku wanted to throw up. He wanted to cry. This couldn't be happening to him.

"Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I was molested! It's not some weird com…" Goku was crying. "Com… com…" Goku tried to take a breath. "I just am! okay? I don't n...know if it's genetic or what, but... it's not some dis...ease you get from being..."He choked. "mo... molested." Goku ripped his arm free from Sanzo's grasp to rub furiously at his eyes. He tried to steady his voice. "There is nothing wrong with me."

Goku wished he didn't sound like he was trying to convince himself instead of Sanzo, whose face had slowly schooled it's way back into it's usual mask.

Goku swallowed again and looked straight into those violet eyes.

"There is nothing wrong with me."

* * *

Tada? Well that didn't go anywhere near where I ment it to...I ment for this to be a funny chapter, but aparently it had other ideas. Sorry. There has been foreshadowing to this though, so I am not suprised.

In case you haven't noticed, this story has taken a very different and abrupt turn. So since I want the others to be able to stand alone this is going to continue in another fic called Dark Revolusions that will contain all the earlier chapters and the continuation from here on out. I have to warn you though a) it will not be crack b) I have no idea where this is going. As you may have noticed from my other stories I don't usually write long stories. Espicially without alot of preplaning.

Also, there really are sad people like Sanzo who seem to think that homosexuality is caused by being molested or not having a loving father and the gays are child molesters as well. It's kinda discusting and sad.

And the food Goku was eating in the begining of this is some greek food I had once. It's a ball with sesame seeds and caramized ham and nuts all rolled in molasses and honey. They are rediculiously sweet,much to sweet for me, but it seemed like something Goku would love.

My sunburn both hurts and itches. I am sad.


	8. Knowledge is power

An: Sorry this is so short! next chapter should be longer. Just wanted to get something up because I felt bad.

* * *

There were pamphlets on his bed. Lots of them. At least ten. They were spread out carefully in a fan across his pillow as to make sure that the occupant noticed them. They had rainbows, and purple triangles, and awful pictures of smiling teens that looked right of a nineties sitcom.

Sanzo doubted they came with the room, and if they did they were leaving immediately. They were not spending the night in a town that left brochures like "Gay: It's okay!" on the bedspread. He frowned and snatched the brochures before crumpling them and depositing them where they belonged, in the garbage can.

Sanzo lowered himself to the bed and dug into his robes for the novel he kept hidden among the make folds of his priestly vestments. Okay, so many would not consider "The Moon, The Magician, and the Maiden" to be a novel per say, but they could cram it up there asses.

"The Gay 'Disease': 5 Myths (and truths) About Homosexuality"

Aww… this one had two young teen boys cuddling on the cover.

Sanzo was going to kill Goku the next time he saw him. He sighed and reached for a cigarette.

"No, no, no, no, no!"

"Rainbow Pride: Adjusting and Accepting Your Gay Child"

Sanzo desperately reached for his gun and sighed in relief when he felt the familier cool metal on his hand. Of course Goku wouldn't take his gun. He didn't want to get the priest killed.

Goku just wanted to make him kill himself instead.

***

Sanzo is so the kind of person to read bad romance novels. I made up all the pamphlet titles and "The moon, the Magician, and the Maiden." and hereby claim copyright to those titles.


End file.
